Drill Sargent Dad

The reason I don’t succeed in life is because I don’t go to sleep before midnight and wake up before six, but that’s just what Drill Sargent Dad tells me. Of course he’s not real. But he is a mental reflection of those of you who would say, “Well, yeah, obviously.” And I write this …

Popped

The question was posed to me earlier tonight: “So, Shawn, what do you do to restore your soul?” I shrugged my tired shrug and had no answer. “Nothing, I guess.” “Are you still trying to adjust to the new job or something?” “No, sweetheart, this has been going on for 14 years. Sorry.” Almost 14 …

And Now a Message From Our Sponsors From Beyond

So I get this mysterious, spooky voicemail today. It sounded like a mountain lion purring and breathing through a garden hose, or like an alien wraith lurking for its living prey. Deep and breathy. And the vocalizations went on for six minutes. I just knew one of my friends had to be pulling a prank …