Ethyldivinol

Alcohol is the catalyst which slows me down so that everything overwhelms me, by which the profane becomes profound, in which patterns emerge in the chaos, and for one brief moment I find god. Everything suddenly makes sense, because I am too incapacitated to hold all the infinite possibilities in my head. Divinity by chemical …

Drill Sargent Dad

The reason I don’t succeed in life is because I don’t go to sleep before midnight and wake up before six, but that’s just what Drill Sargent Dad tells me. Of course he’s not real. But he is a mental reflection of those of you who would say, “Well, yeah, obviously.” And I write this …

After Sunrise

That last three minutes of “Before Sunrise” (1995) are always a punch to my gut. The inevitability of the end of the shining relationship. The rising of the sun burning away the evening of dreams and possibilities. Collapsing infinite potentials into a concrete reality. Exposing the detritus of the night’s revelry. Exchanging uncertainty on the …

All that could have been

Really feeling the span of decades. The clicking of time. The frittering away of time. The waste of time. Years looking forward to possibilities for the weekend, sitting on porches and watching, hoping, dreaming. And soon the discomfort of ages, the pivot to spot-check behind me as earth passes by, feeling its draft, the breeze …