Dear Ticks

Since I’ve made the conscious choice to buck my biological imperative and not father any offspring, then obviously my purpose on this earth is to help others spawn and raise their own. I say to hell with that. If I’m this misanthropic against adults, what the hell do I care for their children? Do you really think I’m going to play the role of the matchmaker, bellhop, busboy, and babysitter? Hell no.

If anything, my role should be to make it harder for you to raise your fat little ticks. To let them do all the sucking they want on you and you alone. To add disruptions to your spawning. To sweep the eggs out of the riverbed. To lead the tadpoles astray into predator territory. Only the strongest will survive, right?

With the exception of a few of you parents (friends whom I know to be highly capable of the job), the rest of you get none of my sympathy or support.

Anybody else agree?

Published by Shawn

He's just this guy, you know?