Shut Down

This world of mine is an endless chain of conflicts and missteps having the effect of turning strength into weakness, and weakness into collapse. It crawls into the nape of my neck and whispers, “Give up.” My recent days are littered with minor actions sparked by self-protective instinct and frustration, which return to me with disastrous, excessive consequences, far outweighing simple punishment.

But never mind me.
I’m wrong, you’re right.
I lose, you win.

Abandon all advantage. Abolish all ego.

Forgotten Knowledge

Once upon a time, I had such an intimate knowledge of my own computer’s filesystem. Like, I knew exactly where I stuffed a file, because I had my own filing system, and could recall that image of a scan of a hand drawing I did. I knew it was in the “hand drawn” folder in my Photos folder, not my “scans” folder.

Now? Uh, there’s that folder I shove memes into, sorted by year. And those other files, like those PDFs for whatever, uh, they go wherever. Because google. If I need them again, I’ll do another google search. Because google.

On the plus side, I’ve learned to make liberal use of symlinks to frequent folders, so that way I can dump whatever into one folder and then drag-drop into the right spot. But even then, that’s such a dial-up era ideal, right? Because google. Right?

Because to hell with local storage, right? It’s easier to let google know what you want. Right?

desires unmet, stillborn dreams

blue tinged memories of 27 year hopes and wishes
visions of union
souls entertwined and understanding
drunk on the possibilities
intoxication, wandered,
lost focus, lost track
missed connections
never met, never talked,
never made dreams happen
30 year hunger
35 year worry
40 year exhaustion
45 year giving up
untie me
i wanted something, i wanted it all,
i asked for connection, but didn’t ask anyone
i missed the boat
i closed the window
now melancholia now
and remembrance and
blue tinged memories
untie me


You’re seeing this because this is the replacement for my contact form. I have filtering installed, but the spambots are persistent and flood with so much spam that the filter lets some through. I haven’t had a legitimate contact through this form in years, so it’s gone.

Bye, robots.

If you need to contact me, and you know me personally, use a different way.

Visual Mismatch


As it turns out, the 60-ish feet of 50ohm RG-8 coax feedline I “rescued” from the disused tower at my last office is actually 75ohm T-1253A. I should’ve looked at the silkscreen more closely. I’m a blind fool.

That might explain some of my inability to match my antennas on some bands. The SWR will never be better than 1.5:1, even if the line length is exactly a half wavelength. The velocity factor is different than I expected, and because of the worse SWR, my line losses are higher, even on short runs.

Yeah. This is the same “RG-8” that I have feeding the 2m/70cm antenna I just posted about. The losses on those two bands swings from 1.6db to 4.8db. A major mistake!

I mean, it’ll still work of I know what to expect. 75ohm cable is easier to source and cheaper to buy, so lots of hams use it with precaution. Until then, I should look at getting a reel of actual RG-8.

Radio is hard.