Meditation, Telemediation

There’s that thing where I have something vexing me, but can’t say in this public avenue, because that which is vexing me also has access to this very same avenue. Heavy times indeed.

All I can say is that my paper journal would be a far better sphere to contain my thoughts and ideas, truths and personal plans. It really is safer that way.

If only it were possible to publicly state for the record, for commiseration purposes, and yet filter a blog post so no one affected can see it. It’s like I’m looking for the functionality of Facebook or Google+ but without the corporate subterfuge and bolted-on advertising algorithms.

My interaction with all you fine folks really is telemediated. I miss seeing you face-to-face.

Invisible Rabbit

Thanks, everyone, for your concern for my physical well-being during this Hurricane Harvey event. I’m fine. Most of Austin is fine. Matter of fact, we’re just inconvenienced by the slow, constant rain and gusty wind. The worst my 2nd-story apartment got was a 3-minute power outage Saturday afternoon, and my UPS systems kept my computers running through the duration. Meanwhile, I was at work checking for leaks in the datacenter and putting out buckets.

Austin is fine. Harvey was downgraded to a tropical storm by the time it reached us, so its fearsome force basically vanished.

If you would like to redirect your concern and assistance to those in real need, contact the American Red Cross and any other legitimate charitable organization of your choosing to see about lending a hand or a donation. The entire crescent of the Texas Gulf coast, around 200 miles deep, was and continues to be heavily impacted.

Unfed

The Butler here. It has come to my attention that the RSS feed isn’t exactly updating like it’s supposed to. Those in charge of updating the RSS feed file have been sacked. Please excuse our mess. Please dispose of properly, and be sure to tip your waitress. Try the veal.

To Do Is To Be

Constant existential nagging.
Feeling it pretty bad lately.
The stable half that pushes for self-sufficiency
Is in a lockstep battle with
The unstable half that pushes for self-agency.

I don’t think I’ll ever be fully settled in my life,
One of those lives lived in
A permanent state of temporality.

I think it’s a side effect of moving a lot while growing up,
Never having much time to put down roots
And grow from that.
Ever since moving to Austin,
I’ve always felt itinerant,
Like I’m always two paychecks from disaster
And will have to move out in an emergency.
That’s certainly not the case anymore,
But nothing really feels like it lasts forever.

Some things, I’m grateful that they don’t last forever.

What doesn’t last forever is
My youth and agency.
I need to punch Eject and go wander.
The wanderlust is strong.
But I don’t need to,
I want to,
I desire to.

But then what?
Do I return back home,
Return to zero,
Lose concrete resources
And gain ephemeral experiences?
Lose personal capital and
Gain a camera roll?

I don’t think Nietzsche and Sartre ever had a proper answer.
Did they?