A Better Future, a More Fragrant Past

Currently, I’m sitting with a full belly and a warm cup of coffee, laptop in my lap. I’m offline. Sitting with my back to the hill behind me, face to the small crowd here at this otherworldly coffee shop near Zilker Park. It’s a different crowd here. Different kind of people than I usually see at Mojo’s, and I kind of like it. It’s something different. Somewhere different. This place has an incredible patio; all wood, currogated steel and fiberglass roof, lit by christmas lights, halogen sconces and candles. Nice vibe here. Very nice vibe.

Behind me, as mentioned, is a hillside. The night air is coming down off of it and the neighborhood behind it bringing its night moisture and the scent of nature in spring along with it. It’s so amazing; it’s like I’m able to smell for the first time in my life. I love this season. It’s all so incredibly fragrant, almost unbearable. The other night I came down here and hung out, tried to work on a little code, and kept getting sidetracked by the scent, the strong floral scents, of the trees, bushes, plantlife finally coming out of slumber. And here lately, excepting the seasonal sneeze fits, I’ve been smelling more of the things that I haven’t paid attention to in years past.

I had heard that this happens, but I didn’t expect it to be like this; but a month and a half of non-smoking has returned the ability to smell back to me. The olfactory area of the brain is nuzzled against the hippocampus, which is the part responsible for the initiation and recall of memories; memory is strongly tied to the sense of smell. Perhaps that’s why much of the past eight years of my life have been a blur; there’s been little to tie those memories together, little to make them shine. Now? Oh my god, the memories of my life pre-smoking are coming back in fits, spurts, landslides. My times at Ouachita, my days and nights out on the river bottoms, the back fields, the forest, the football field, hanging out near the river, the gazebo, the night walks around town — it’s all coming back. And it’s so incredible. So peaceful. So caused by the simple, intangible ability to smell.

Don’t ever take that for granted.

With it being springtime, and with my making an attempt, and actually desiring, to live a better life, I’m strongly wanting to get a bicycle. There are times when I want to walk, or run, or move forward very quickly under my own power. You may or may not understand the personal empowerment that happens when something so simple as walking happens; imagine how biking feels. As I remember, from when I rode regularly, I feel better, my outlook is better. I’ve been making efforts to find myself a bike for riding to work, around the neighborhood, to any of my coffee shop hangouts, to friends’ houses, etc. I will still have my car, definitely, but I won’t be totally dependent on it. It has its uses, and I totally love my car, but there are days, especially here lately, where I want a bike, and I want one real bad. Y’know? I’ve been without a working bike since 1995, and it’s high time I got my lungs, and my legs, back. This sedentary lifestyle, literally, is killing me. I have to do something about it. Any suggestions on where, what, and how much for a bike will be appreciated.

Lately, I have been going through a gradual reevaluation of my life. I don’t have a ten year plan, let alone a ten week plan. Those aren’t a goal of mine, but I do have the future to look at. I hate to feel my own mortality when I look down the road, but it’s there; anything I can look at to get my gaze off of that end is a welcome relief. But the reevaluation: somewhere in the past three years, things went south. When I moved here, to Austin, I was so totally full of hope, full of peace, full of the knowledge that I had done The Right Thing by moving here to this city. I know, in my heart, that I’ve done that. I’m here where I need to be, where I can make a difference in a larger group of people’s lives, where I can make my own life just that much better. Well, somewhere along the road, that stopped happening. I fell out of love for life. I started having panic attacks in September of 2001. My health, my heart, my head, they all started going south. My Joi de Vivre disappeared. This is wrong. This is so wrong. So I’m knocking around some ideas, making some considerations, bringing back some memories of the way things where, they way they were going to be, to see if I can get some good perspective on this. It’s going to take a little while, going to take a little inner drive to do it, but I’ll get back there. I’ll get back to the hope that I had. Stayed tuned in.

Right now though, in the room to my left, past the huge picture window, is a local band. I don’t know who they are, but their music has a kind of country feel, a very Texas feel to it. Still, it’s rather nice. Once I heard it, the particular sound of it, I had no choice but to take my headphones off to soak it in.

I think I just found a piece of that perspective I’ve been seeking. Live music; written by people who feel, played by people who care. Joy of life.

Twenty-Nine, and You Know I’m Lyin’

On Thursday, March 25th, 2004, I turned the ripe old age of 32 29. Yep. Uh-huh.

My roomate asked me earlier this week what I wanted to do on my birthday, and I made mention that I’d like to do that bowling outing we had planned a few weeks ago; thought it’d be fun. And he did the rest. The group of my friends and buddies, most of them from the IRC channels I hang out in, got to the bowling alley just shy of 9pm; we went in, reserved some lanes, and proceeded to the snack bar. It was there that my roomate presented to me a birthday card signed by all who attended and a few sheets of paper that comprised a pet adoption form from the Town Lake pound. They thought I should get a pussy for my birthday, and they chipped in the money to make it happen. It’s a nice gesture. Heh.

Well, the bowling was fun. I discovered, with much curiosity, that I seriously need to get my heart in shape. The act of getting up and throwing my ball made my heart pound. Yep. Get in shape. Heh. The ten of us had two lanes; I and my lane bowled two games, the other bowled three. My top score was 95 pretty damned good. The score sheets from the rounds are– My lane:Game 1, Game 2 — Other lane:Game 1, Game 2, Game 3. Naturally, we all went by our IRC nicknames. Naturally. Seeing that I had to work on friday, I went home after the gathering. But I had a good time.

Friday night, though, my roomate had another surprise waiting on me. Seriously, I gotta stop telling him my plans and stuff. Remember back two years ago when I was planning on throwing a “Triple X” birthday party, for when I turned 30? Well, he tried to make something similar happen. So, here I am, off of work, I run through the shower and get cleaned up for my usual friday night hanging out with my group of buddies. I go down to Flight Path to meet up, and hardly anyone from the group is there. Slowly, a few people show up, get “bored”, and decide to leave, asking me if I want to go hang out with them at the Love Shack. I finally relent and head down there with them. After noting all the cars in front of the house, which didn’t seem out of the ordinary, considering there’s usually a party or get-together at the “LS” every weekend, I park and we walk in. Everyone inside shouts “SURPRISE!” Surprise? Well, they had decided that I would at least have my porn party; some badly-produced porn, the most funny kind, was playing on the TV. (Never send gay men out to get straight porn. Heh.) I walk around, make my greetings to everyone, and grab a drink. It was going to be a long night. And it was. Went home around 3:30 this morning, sleepy and feeling ok.

Woke up around 11:30. Made some Gatorade to rehydrate myself after the lengthy sleeping-in and grabbed a snack bar. Got the strangest craving for some Genesis, so I’m ripping my two cd’s by the band, “Invisible Touch” and “We Can’t Dance”. That band really had their days; shame they withered away after “We Can’t Dance.” But that’s the thing about the lifetime of anything. Life is a bell curve. Life grades on the bell curve. Being just on the front side of the ascending apex of the curve gives me some perspective if I look around. A long view.

But, now, it’s time to attend to the matters of the day. Later.

Went to Hellboy and Back

That. Totally. Ruled.

I was dragging ass today because I stayed up super-late last night doing what? I took my roomate, and my pass for two, downtown to the Paramount Theatre, stood in line for 3 hours, and watched the never-before-shown-to-anyone world-premier of “Hellboy” a whole three weeks before its April 2nd release. And It. Was. Good.

My friend Bart informed me on friday that Austin Books, a comic shop down the street from my house, was handing out passes to the super-sneak preview presentation of “Hellboy” (site), the new movie from director Guillermo Del Toro (“Blade II”, “Devil’s Backbone”). I’ve never read the Mike Mignola-created comic, but I understand that it’s high-quality stuff, and with what I’ve gathered about the comic, I’ve concluded that Del Toro did an excellent job on the adaptation. The role of Hellboy is played by none other than Ron Perlman. Naturally.

So, back to the showing. I and several of my friends went: my roomate and I got there a little later than our friends, so our place in line was much further back. Ah well. Since we didn’t have V.I.P. passes, wristbands, or anything cool like that, we couldn’t sit in the floor seats; it was the balcony for us. But, nevertheless, our seats still commanded an excellent view of the stage and screen. The South-By-South-West movie festival is currently underway, but this screening was privately held, kind of a rush job. But the stars were still out: director Del Toro was there, as was Mike Mignola, Ron Perlman (yes, he really is that huge), and a guest presence in the audience by Ain’t It Cool News’ Harry Knowles (yes, he really is that huge, har). Earlier in the evening Kevin Smith was in the theatre screening his new movie Jersey Girl, so he hung around for a little bit and left. I didn’t see him, but one of my buddies did. Suppose that’s good enough. Heh.

Del Toro introduced the movie with his tough-to-understand accent and light-hearted demeanor. When the show was done, and the audience was satisfied with its thunder of applause, Del Toro took to the stage again, this time joined by Mignola and Perlman, for a half-hour audience Q&A session. Lots of questions good and poor, sure, but a friend of mine managed to get a good question in, which was cool.

Some highlights:

  • Del Toro said, “Previously, a studio would buy an option to adapt a comic book to film. The comic audience is happy about the news until the studio picks some poorly-fit director and they change too much of the comic storyline and so forth. Finally, we’re seeing studios allowing geek movies to be made for geeks by geeks.” The roar of applause was testament that we totally agreed.
  • Mignola was not only advised to, but required to get his hands dirty in the production of this film; since he’s the creator, his input was essential.
  • Del Toro essentially directed “Blade II” to fund the filming of “Hellboy,” his 5-year dream.
  • “Hellboy” originally had a budget request of $90-million, which Revolution Pictures had agreed to greenlight, but they later talked Del Toro down to $60-M when they discovered his choice of Perlman for the starring role; Del Toro wouldn’t sell him out in exchange for more money.
  • The studio was considering doing a fully-CG Hellboy character, with Perlman doing voice acting, and was almost sold on the idea, but finally relented to Del Toro’s wishes to have someone actually acting the part instead of just reading lines. Seems studios don’t see much logic when preferring CG to real actors.
  • Perlman spent around four hours each day to put on the prosthetics and makeup before each day’s shoot. For days where he was shooting shirtless scenes, it took six.
  • Del Toro is starting another project to shoot a movie that’ll be a kind of bookend to “Devil’s Backbone”, which promises to be good.
  • Del Toro joked that the “Passion of Christ” fanatics would view this movie as a pyriah and deem it as something worthy of protest without ever going to see it. I mean, c’mon, it’s a red devil-looking demon hell guy who fights, smokes, and cusses! What more do you need a good, Bible-thumpin’ picket line for? It’s Jesus versus Hellboy! (never mind that Hellboy is a good guy with pragmatic morals and a good heart)
  • When asked about the subtleties of the love relationship between Hellboy and character Elizabeth, Del Toro went on to discuss the very character of this particular relationship, how it was kind of a “Beauty and the Beast” relationship. His talking was interrupted when the audience built-up a slow, dawning laughter, after which Del Toro stopped, looked at the audience, then exchanged glances with Perlman. They shrugged, smiled, and he continued on his discussion.

There is so much more to the evening that I really wish I could talk about to a further extent, but that would be just a little too, um, MEAN, wouldn’t it? :) Yes, I believe it would, yes. Aaah, and for once, I’M privy to something; I get first dibs (damn, I love this town). But seriously, people, when “Hellboy” comes out to wide release next month, do yourself a favor and go see it. A whole lot of action, a whole lot of monsters, a whole lot of Lovecraft, a whole lot of wit, humor, and comedy, and a whole lot of in-jokes. Del Toro and cast did a wonderful job.

And, no, Lobster Johnson isn’t in it. But they might shoot a lunch scene between him and Hellboy for the DVD. Who knows?

Busy Elsewhere

Took care of some minor yet ongoing business today. Started the day off a little too early, not enough sleep after going to bed so late last night. So, I took my time waking up and getting started. Even went back down for a nap, just some time alone in my warm bed, the grey light of the rainy day seeping in through the blinds. I got up around 3 o’clock.

It’s interesting to me, after living for three and a half years in Austin, that I still get surprised when I walk into a business where only one person speaks English. Suddenly, my knowledge of Spanish is out the door, and I find myself making my words long and drawn out as if I was speaking to retards. One of my stops this afternoon was to a tire shop to get a rim for my full-sized spare tire; the place was two miles from my apartment, and I knew they’d be open today. After visiting that shop, I have a new idea of what day-to-day business is like in Mexico.

The next stop was the laundromat to start a wash of whites; nothing like having to wear stuff from the “emergency pile”. So, on the way, I picked up a new box of detergent and some Febreze for the house. Started my load and took my car to the shop next door to the laundromat to get my oil changed. Stop three. Finished before the wash cycle ended.

Back at the laundromat, I started the dry cycle and left for another stop: lunch. Small meal: chicken quesadilla, taco. Watched some crazy chick run up to the trashcan next to the restaurant and start frantically rummaging for empty cups. Seems the insane people are out in droves these days. Weather’s warming up. This spring’s going to be interesting. Lunch done, back to the clothes, then back to the house.

Spent some time working on my little DOS-mode gaming PC. My old P133 computer; got it outfitted with 32 megs of RAM, a 2.1 GB drive, cdrom. After dealing with MS-DOS 6.22, I completely remember what it is that I now take for granted in the newer Microsoft operating systems. But, I have it set up; wish I could easily configure my sound card so I could hear my games, but ah well. That’s down the road. Played some Duke Nukem 1, some Dragon’s Lair (the CDRom edition with video captures from the original laserdisc), and some Magic Carpet. After dealing with high-resolution displays and powerful graphics cards over the years, it’s humbling that at one time I considered those low-res games as being clear, crisp, and high-quality. Now it’s like I’m watching a television through muzlin cloth.

So, now I’m here at the coffee shop. Same place as last night. Same plans as last night. Working on Chrontium. It’s turning out quite nicely; getting better with each chunk of code written. Spending time rewriting, optimizing, and testing; last night was highly productive. As long as I can keep busy with the code without my usual distractions, it’ll get done.

Feeling Insecure?

My apartments are the bestest. My neighbors are really neat. All of them. I got home ten minutes ago. Right now there are 4 police cruisers and 5 police officers in my apartment complex. They’re talking with some of my really neat neighbors. That’s so neat.

Can you guess what today’s secret word is? No, that’s not it. Try again.

Yes, there you go. Can you spell today’s secret word? Try it.

G-H-E-T-T-O

Very good! I knew you could.