Paddle

I hate Facebook as much as I hate many aspects of and activities in my life.

The first step would be liberating myself from Facebook, but I still need it. You know, just in case I miss something.

It’s the same reason why I keep going to the same coffee shop every goddamn day (sometimes twice or thrice). You know, just in case I miss something.

There’s just that random chance of a benefit that keeps me on the hook for more. I guess B.F. Skinner’s theories on operant conditioning are correct after all; the rat will keep pressing the paddle in the Skinner box with more predictability if you give it a randomized chance of getting a food pellet. If you give a pellet on every press, it will get bored and do something else, safe with the knowledge that it can always get a food pellet when it wants.

And it is with this knowledge that habits are encouraged to form. That piece of my soul that hopes for something that is just outside my grasp goes all the way back to childhood and youth. It’s a part of me that sees a beneficial change and actually believes it’s the hopeful prayer to an intercessory god that caused it. Random chance, coincidence, keep praying, keep attending, keep believing, keep visiting, keep clicking, keep dreaming, because something is just around the corner. I can just feel it. Keep believing!

That’s a part of me I want to kill sometimes. That kind of hope is an addiction. An addiction! There are better ways to live, more certain ways to live. More deterministic. More certain.

Published by Shawn

He's just this guy, you know?