Bottled Up

Due to a recent health issue, my doctor told me I had to stop drinking, give my body a rest. It’s not that I’m addicted (I’m not), it’s that I’m habitual. When there’s a bottle in my house, of course I’ll have some shots before bed. But I’ve been doing this daily — for the past three-something years. My liver’s not pickled or anything, because quite honestly I never got to the point of killing a fifth all by myself in a night, but that low level of alcohol knocked some things out of balance, caused me to go to bed dehydrated, have crappy sleep, and wake up hating the world. Now I go to bed hydrated, get crappy sleep, and hate the world in other ways.

So my most recent bottle was emptied about two weeks ago, and I haven’t been to the store since. I’m not saying I’ll never go back, or that I’ll never have another drink. That’s a bullshit claim. I’m saying that my health is something I need to look after, and that daily consumption may not have been killing me but it was making my health a burden to carry.

The downside is that I am increasingly pensive and irritable, to a hateful point. It’s surprising and it’s a scary thing. I don’t want to be that — I’m trying to take better care of myself by not drinking every goddamn day (only occasionally with other people around, for once). I don’t want to hate, don’t want to be antisocial, don’t want to have all these negative emotions, but goddammit I have no release now, nothing to pat me on the back and tell me things will be alright. Y’know?

Is this to be expected?

Published by Shawn

He's just this guy, you know?