Hard Work Days Off

I feel like I should write something. My head is too fried.

Work today was full of suck and confusion. Information overload. Being put into a role that demands a lot of attention to a high amount of detail about a lot of systems concurrently. The guy doing it has been doing it for over a year, and he has his methods for tracking and keeping everything somewhat organized, but his contract’s ending in a few months with no extension and no replacement staff…so I guess I’m it. Bossman says it’s only temporary so I can see how it’s done on-the-ground so I can go back to my bench and write software to help automate a lot of it. I call bullshit. There’s no coming up for air to do software development when you have to be in the thick of it to make deadlines.

So, head fried.

I’m in the twilight phase between not caring and dreading too much. Those 6 months of unemployment helped me to develop a sense for the base minimum I can do to survive, and I didn’t even scratch the surface of how low I can go. But when I get to a stage of totally not caring about losing the job, I think I can consider myself a free man. I can come in, do my 8 hours, go home, and be free from the guilt of not giving my all to the company cause. I mean, shit, the pay is nice, but I’m not ready to decide for myself if it’s nice enough to sell off my trust and buy into the idea that the company wants to scratch my back in like-for-like exchange. That’s a lot to ask from a guy who got laid off once before.

Right now, though, I’ve settled back into my rhythm of getting up, going to work, leaving work, and then doing a combination of cafe, computer chair, and internet distractions until bedtime. My projects have ground to a halt again. I get home and I see the list of abandoned intentions and decide “I don’t wanna” before turning on a string of meandering Youtube videos. I’ll get myself back eventually, right?

Published by Shawn

He's just this guy, you know?