Touched my music gear, and it made pretty noises. I recorded the MIDI, but only after losing the magic while opening the recording app. That’ll teach me to play without everything being armed and ready. Writing prose is easy relative to making music; with prose, everything’s in your head, and you control it all as you write it down linearly. Music requires parallel component parts that, unless you’re a wizard, you cannot play simultaneously without holding it all in your head long enough to record each part as a layer. My music comes across as vignettes, essences, stems, incomplete pieces of a nebulous whole that will never form without the breath of others. That bothers me intensely.
Making music solo is lonely. First, I was prideful in wanting to go it alone. I wouldn’t have to share collaborative credit, you see. And then I was bashful because the more I play, the more I know I don’t know the language of the jam. And now I’m lonely because I recognize I need help to make it happen, and there is no help because it only comes to those who want to take it somewhere beyond the home studio, which I don’t. I know people who play music, but I just can’t burden them with my creativity problems.
I shouldn’t complain because I have music equipment to touch and make pretty noises. There are starving children in Africa who don’t have enough music equipment to eat. I should be ashamed.