Bought a new UPS (Uninterruptible Power Supply) this weekend. The one that’s been powering my network equipment for the past 7 years crapped out on me Wednesday night. Not the first time it’s shut down unexpectedly.

Luckily, I was there to witness the shutdown this time (I was 2 minutes away from bed). A brownout made it trip, and since the battery was three years old, it just gave up. I put everything on a power strip, pulled the battery, and the next day picked up a replacement. After shoehorning it into the case, I plugged the backup into the wall and heard a distinct pop inside the case. Yes, I made the Magic Smoke. So, until I can have it looked at, my faith in the backup is gone. I returned the battery yesterday and picked up a new UPS.

Did some swapping with my other functioning UPS by installing the new one at my desk, and now my audio workstation in the bedroom has a UPS. What a relief. God forbid I’m working on a piece of music and the power goes out before I can save my changes.

Speaking of music, I picked up a decent mid-level studio mic a week ago. I’ve set it up, but I haven’t taken a chance to actually use it yet. I’m discovering how loud my walk-in closet (my makeshift isolation booth) actually is. It shares an outside wall with a busy neighborhood street. Another wall is shared with the neighbor. The third is a wet wall, so every time somebody showers, flushes, or runs a sink (which is often), the mic can pick it up. Plus the air conditioner is mere feet beyond the wall. So yeah, it’s noisy. I can find periods of relative quiet; the problem is that they’re later in the evening. And if I’m going to be singing loud enough to drown out the environment, I’ll probably be heard by the sleeping neighbors.

On second thought, they don’t give a damn about keeping quiet for me. So fuck ’em.

The song I’ve been working on for the past two months (and now it’s starting to feel like work) is at a standstill. I’d like to say I’m taking a week-long break to chase some other projects. If I say it loud enough, I might believe it. I do enjoy doing it, elsewise I’d…stop. Hmm. Seriously though, it’s fun, but the writing part is rounding towards the end. Now it’s the recording and mixdown stage. Mixing sucks, and I suck at mixing. I think I need some skilled help. Y’know?

The problem I’m finding lately is that I’m trying to do too much by myself, and it’s setting me back. From my projects, to my hobbies, to my job, I keep attempting to keep it all hidden until it’s ready for the world, keep from having to bother anybody else with my problems. Nobody’s got my back, because I’ve not been calling for backup. And as a social creature among social creatures, that thinking is wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.

I’m no Atlas; I don’t have the strength to keep carrying the weight of my world. I’d like to say that I’m a pragmatist instead of an idealist, but this way of doing things confesses my highly-principled view of my life. I’m trying to prove to the world that I’ve got the skills and ability to do things on my own better than everybody else. To sneak my activities into the shadows of attention and toil away in private until viola! I bring it out into the light and everybody goes, “Ooh! Aah!” That’s bullshit thinking.

The goal is not to prove myself by doing things the right way on my own. The goal is to get the goddamn things done.

I live in a big city and work at a big company; I’m surrounded by people who are experts in their field. All I have to do is ask and navigate the crowd until I find someone willing to help. I don’t have to carry the world alone.

Published by Shawn

He's just this guy, you know?

One reply on “Backup”

  1. Tam says:

    “I don’t have to carry the world alone.”

    THIS is one of the hardest things to come to terms with. Congrats for finally realizing it.

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