The cravings continue, but the lung crud doesn’t. I’m already starting to breathe a good deal better. I am so happy about that. The fact that my lungs are feeling good makes them crave the tightening ache of tobacco smoke again, and that’s what’s making the quitting that much harder.
So far, outside of a smoke I had friday night, I’ve been smoke free for 12 days now. Yes, I am happy for that. Not as crabby as I have been, even though my good mood has gone quite a bit farther south than usual on occasion. This weekend was no exception, and I wish to apologize to anyone I’ve put off by my abrupt and terse “standoffish” manners. So there.
Man, let me tell you about my damned dreams. Since quitting, they have been getting seriously weird and unsettling. They’re so damned vivid and omnipresent; there has not been a single time that I’ve either slept, snoozed, or catnapped and not had one of these wierd dreams. Their setting, cast, crew, plot, theme, and message varies wildly (as anything resulting from random neurological impulses would be), and for the most part they’re forgotten beyond their unsettling natures, so I can’t pinpoint any one dream or any one reason why they’re so off-putting. All I know is that since quitting, yes, they’ve gotten so damned wierd. I’d like to say it’s some sort of neurochemical rebalancing, or sinus pressure, or perhaps the flood of oxygen in my previously-struggling blood cells flooding my brain, or maybe just the fact that I have recently made a Life-Changing Decision which has been given front-and-center in my lifestyle and thought processes. I dunno.
I tend to favor the neurochemical rebalance theory; I mean, after 8 years of being subjected to funky-odd stimulants, toxins, and pollutants, they are now gone and the parts of my brain that were repressed from vivid dreaming by the nicotine or were squelching the vivid dreaming to compensate for the nicotine are now active again. It’s unsettling but amazing. I believe that the mind is very much bound to the body; my recent dreaming fits have spawned a new bout of creativity, emotive thoughts, and (most thankfully) logical resolutions to some techie problems I’ve been having. If I’m not feeling well, then I’m not thinking well. Descartes kind of had it backwards: “I am, therefore I think.”
Stick that in your pipe and nonsmoke it. (I cannot believe I just said that.)
Good night, world.