Days Five and Six

Oh, man. Quitter’s Flu sucks ass. Since sunday my lungs have been in a constant cruddy tightness. Overdosing myself on water and watery drinks, trying to stay overhydrated so this phlegm will have enough body to expectorate. Gross, yeah. Guaifenessin caplets, work harder. Damn.

I’m still craving, believe me I’m still craving. It’s not really so much a physical craving anymore – although that does rear its ugly head every now and then. The craving is more psychological. I’m at my computer now, and I keep feeling like doing nothing more than lighting one up; this spot was were I did a lot of smoking. Believe you me that I’m trying everything possible to “repurpose” this area of my room — if I feel like lighting one up, I pick up my peppermints instead. It’s funny that I’m not sucking on them as much, but I’m biting more than anything. Yeah, psychocraving. It’s getting to where any time I physically crave (or otherwise), if I want to feel that “good ol’ lung-clinchin'” that only smoking cigarettes can provide, I do nothing more than get a good cough out, and my lungs are reminded of that feeling once more, but without the carginogenic side effects.

I had this funky-assed dream last night; this’ll illuminate some more of my psychocrave for you. I dreamed that I “cheated” on my nonsmoking and had three cigarettes over the course of the night, and I felt so bad about it I confessed on this column. I can assure you that I can’t smoke cigarettes that I don’t have when I’m asleep, which is a relief, but if I do have a smoke in the near future, before I can confidently say I’ve kicked the addiction, then I think I can be forthright enough to say I’ve done so here. You can “tsk tsk” if you want, you can just say, “Well, he’s done good so far”, or you can plain flat-out ignore it. I’m usually too honest and open for my own good; this column would be no different.

Three dream cigarettes in my sleep. Damn. No wonder my lungs feel so tight. Heh. Special note: Wednesday night around 12:30am will mark my first week as a recovering smoker. Gawd. It’s a definite milestone, yes, but I seriously hope I stay a nonsmoker and don’t descend into the role of antismoker. Those people, and other dung-flingers, are pretty low in the social pyramid, and low is not where I wish to be.

Published by Shawn

He's just this guy, you know?