Drag

The DNS registration for my music site, glassdoor.net, is coming up for renewal. The current registrar is Godaddy, but since they’ve been raising the rates for .org domains to stupid levels, I’m moving the registration elsewhere (it’s a dot org domain FFS, but they’re charging more than dot com!)

So I started the process. It has not gone well. It has not been smooth. I’ve had to restart once already. Godaddy is dragging their feet on releasing my domain for migration, and it’s becoming absurd.

I started this process last week on Sunday. They blocked me because I didn’t unlock the domain, then blocked me because I didn’t turn off the domain privacy settings. And then they put my transfer under review, where I had to respond to an email confirming that yes I want to move the domain. And then nothing. No change in status on either end of the transfer.

So I cancelled. Started another request on Tuesday. Got it through every step I can do. It’s still hung. Even if I press the button on the Godaddy portal saying, “Yes, I approve the release”, it’s not budging. Their docs say it takes up to 5 to 7 days for a transfer to go through. Bullshit. Bull. Shit. I transferred phaysis.com and got it through within hours.

I bet Godaddy is dragging their feet hoping to run the clock out so I panic and renew with them anyway, because the expiration is in 7 days. There are 2 of the 7 days left in this “5-7” nonsense.

And I’m half panicking that they’ll block any transfer at all because they think I’m a domain squatter, because it’s too similar to the name brand site glassdoor dot com, which went into business no less than 3 years AFTER I bought the dot org domain. I ain’t a domain squatter.

They better not deny me. Better. Fucking. Not.

In Out, In

Woke up feeling my mortality. Just knowing, by the pains, that I have a limited time here on this planet. I can’t swap bodies.

Currently listening to Yes “Union” as though I was still 20 years old. Big world, big ideas, big future ahead. Hoarding the temporal wealth, week by week, never noticing the hole in the bag and the trail of old behind me.

I’m almost 52 now. What did I do with that wealth of time? What should I do to make up for it? Increase shareholder value?

I don’t want to believe my spirit is expired. I need it inspired. Is this just the cycle of respiration? When we say “breathe”, we always think, “take a deep breath,” to inhale. But exhaling is also a part of the cycle — so long as we inhale again.

Springtime is here. Cycles.

Black

Went for a sleep study last night, first in 12 years. I could only sleep 2 hours, so the tech could not get enough data. I totally blew it. I made preparations, turned my day upside down, even cut my 3-day weekend short so I could do this, and I blew it. Just could not get comfortable enough to trust and sleep.

Went straight to work at 6:30am on 2 hours sleep. Boss sent me home mid afternoon, after almost a full shift.

Took a 4 hour nap. Woke up with a work nightmare. Dark house. Dark skies. Me alone. Only wanting to crawl out of bed and hole, with Metallica in my head. Nothing else matters.

My god, it’s like 26-year-old me still on night shift. That same acid sand in my mouth. That same loneliness. That same bleary outlook. That same old journal and microwave food and coffeeshop that closes at midnight.

Dark rhythms resurface.

Over the Line

Had my annual physical last week. The good news is that I’m still alive.

The bad news is that, after a decade of being told I’m prediabetic and can reverse it with diet, exercise, and oral meds, I’m now diabetic.

My A1c is just too high, and it crossed the threshold. So here I am. I have a new identity.

A little prick

Doc started me on Ozempic, and this morning was my first self-administered shot. Didn’t even feel the needle, and wasn’t sure it worked until I pulled the pen away after the six-count and saw the red dot on my belly.

I don’t recommend letting yourself get so far that you have to resort to this. You don’t need to live with shame. You don’t need to deal with the expense.

Just…don’t. You can always turn this around.