Me at 20: “If I don’t figure out what it means to be a man, I will die alone.”
Me at 30: “If I don’t figure out what it means to be a man, I will die alone.”
Me at 40: “If I don’t figure out what it means to be a man, I will die alone.”
Me at 50: “If I don’t figure out what it means to be a man, I will die alone.”
…
Chest is caving in. No matter how I read the news, it’s the same result: loss of breath. Hoping there are adults in the room to swat down the bastards, but the adults are the bastards.
It’s a bad scene.
Like ein Dumkopf I signed up for Deutsch II at the last minute. First class was last week. I don’t know why I’m doing this. The game of it, maybe? Self abuse? Some stupid dream of traveling to Deutschophone countries and sweet-talking everyone I meet? I don’t get it.
I took the first course last semester and got a B. Now I’m taking the second course, though I said to myself over xmas break that I’d pass on it. I guess I’m more of a completist than I thought? Sunk cost fallacy? Keep going or I’ll lose it?
Ich kenne nicht.
My two weeks of “vacation” ends today. Tomorrow, I have to go back to the office. I’m not looking forward to the questions, because I just don’t have any good answers.
“Have a good break?”
“No.”
“Hope you’re well-rested?”
“Also, no.”
“Took the time off to recharge and reconnect with your loved ones?”
“Look, I don’t know where you’re getting this info.”
I could’ve gone feral and skipped town and gone somewhere. But I didn’t. I stayed home and kept busy. Home where it’s safe, stable, stale.
I feel like I lost out on some experiences and opportunities. But instead of adventure, I chose maintenance. Am I dead now?
As I renew my USPS PO Box for another year at $182, I have to wonder if it’s worth it to continue having a PO Box.
I got it when I filed for my first FCC Amateur Radio license, because every license must have an address on file. Since it’s public record, I didn’t want to publish my home address, just in case someone hears me talking on the air and doesn’t like the cut of my jib.
So is it still worth it? Have I done at least $182 worth of air time in the past year?
Unfortunately, I haven’t.
But as we go into this next federal administration, and the wolves are getting bold, yes, it is absolutely worth it. If I speak up when another operator is flying off the handle about whatever they’re gonna fly at, the risk of them doxxing me and showing up at my door is improved with a PO Box. It’s certainly not impossible, but it’s improved.
