Haha, hahaha haha, hah. I did it. I registered for Deutsch IV, the final semester. I’m stupid and inconsistent and make bad choices. Ja. Apparently, I actually do need exogenous reasons to hate myself. It counterbalances and silences all my endogenous reasons to hate myself. Ein mal mehr!
Category Archives: Journal
Next Verse
My sixteen days of holiday vacation come to a close tomorrow on Monday morning. I return to work. I’m not ready for it. I keep thinking back to the previous two weeks and pondering what I did versus what I expected, fully expecting to give report of my time off at the water cooler or …
Sustain
Not writing a retrospective on 2025. But I will go on to say that this has been a difficult year, what with the stressors and declining health and loss of hope and prospect for the future. I’ve locked into a bad rhythm. There has to be more than four on the floor and snare on …
Bestanden
Two-week-old news by now, but I share here. My final grade in Deutsch III is a mid-B, 84.8%. I still feel like Professorin was being too kind to me in her scoring, because I still don’t trust my competence. I feel like I did terribly. Scores aren’t everything. I’m not fluent. Throughout the latter half …
Crossed Eyes See Heaven
Seems I don’t write much these days of intoxication helping me see the mind and love of god. Just feels desperate now. All I want is escape into hope. There has to be something better.