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Lumbricus
 
At ten she took the baby to the pediatrician. The waiting room was crowded and noisy. Infants cried and toddlers raced back and forth while their nervous and indignant mothers threatened them. Matthew was quiet. He was always a good boy. That, at least, was something. She held him close, to remove him from the surrounding chaos.
Soon her name was called and a nurse led her and Matthew to an examining room. She sat down and looked at the room. It was cold and white and lifeless. It made her uneasy. It always did. They should have plants, she thought. Something.
After a while the doctor came in and he was very giddy and polite. She wanted to hit him for being that way. He blabbered on and on while he and a nurse took her boy from her arms and poked and prodded him. Now he cried. Then the giddy physician and his bimbo left them alone for a while. She rocked Matthew and kissed his tiny forehead and sang a little quiet song until he became calm again. The bimbo came back alone and told her everything was fine and gave her a complimentary blue pacifier.
Carolyn paid the bloated bitch at the reception desk and walked out, careful not to step on any of the snotty little shits crawling on the floor. She stepped into the elevator full of sweating ignorant people and rode it to the first floor. There she went into the ladies' room which smelled like urine and old tampons and flushed the damn blue pacifier down the fucking dirty toilet. She then walked out of the ladies' room, out of the building, and across the parking lot. Inside the car she fastened Matthew into his safety harness. She revved the motor and pulled out onto Maple street. Only then did she begin to cry.
There were a great many gifts at the reception. Most of them were toasters, tupperware sets, towels, etc. One of Brian's supposedly funny pals from college gave them an economy-sized box of glow-in-the-dark condoms. The humor in this gift escaped Carolyn's father. They thanked everyone for whatever they got, but the one present Carolyn really appreciated was Uncle Terry's.
Uncle Terry was from Florida. He was poor and divorced and Carolyn adored him. When his wife had run off with the county sheriff he had come to live at her house until he got back on his feet. It took a long time but he raised a garden in the back yard and did odd jobs around the house for his keep. He didn't have to but he did. During the high casualty battles of adolescence he always took Carolyn's side against his brother. Once he even bought her Alabama tickets after she had been forbidden to attend the concert and lied to cover for her. Eventually grandmother died and the inheritance bought him a farm in, and a one-way ticket to, the Peninsula State.
All that Uncle Terry had to make a gift of was the fruit of his labor, tangerines. He brought a big wooden crate of them, tied around with a red ribbon. When he saw all the shiny electric appliances on the gift table he was ashamed, but Carolyn hugged him and kissed his cheek seven times and he beamed. He stood beside his dingy crate and smiled.
Despite Brian's protests, the tangerines were later dragged up to the honeymoon suite by a small bellboy who demanded a large tip. Carolyn ate them constantly. When they went out to eat, she would hide one in her purse and eat it for desert. Eventually Brian gave in and learned to like them. By the end of the week they were feeding each other tangerines in bed.
When they were living in Nashville, where Brian worked and Carolyn studied, they would have tangerines once a month, on their anniversary. When Brian was promoted and transferred to Cincinnati, they had them less often because he was sometimes on the road. Carolyn got pregnant the very day they moved to Buffalo, it seemed, and, what with the demands of Brian's new position and the rarity of tangerines in upstate New York, the tradition died. It was replaced by doctor visits, office parties, cribs and diapers.
Carolyn cried until she parked her car at the entrance to the mall. She dried her eyes and resumed her composure. She opened the trunk and took out the stroller. With a quick movement she unfolded it, then retrieved Matthew from the car. She walked with a calm, determined step.
Inside, the mall was clean and bright and cool. Red "Sale" banners were everywhere to be seen. At the food court Carolyn stopped and bought lunch. She fished Matthew's bottle from the huge padded bag of baby stuffs, tested it, and handed it to him. He sucked thirstily. Carolyn chewed her chicken fillet and looked about.
They had added a Sbaro's. That nasty hot dog place had closed. There were few people at this time of day. At a table to her left sat a group of young girls. They had chocolate sundaes and milkshakes. They were laughing and talking and playing with their food. They were a caricature of young American girlhood, catty and silly and daring in their short skirts and striped lycra tops.
A pair of boys approached the table. The girls sized them up instantly and greeted them. They had the advantage of numbers and sex and knew it. The boys greeted them, stuck their hands in their pockets and stuck out their chests. The girls leaned forward and looked insinuatingly over their milkshakes at them. One boy ran a hand through his long sun-bleached hair while the other talked about a band they had just started. The girls raised their plucked eyebrows in faux interest. They were very flirty.
Soon the boys and the girls were riding an escalator to the second level. There, Carolyn knew, the boys would be coaxed into buying at least two movie tickets and some popcorn only to be dumped after the closing credits. It seemed very cruel from this side of adulthood, but memory testified that it was also loads of fun. Carolyn watched them disappear up the rolling staircase. She was sad.
She finished her fillet. Now she began to shop. At The Tot Shop she bought a cute outfit for Matthew to wear to church. At The Snuff Box she bought a new pipe for her father's birthday next month. At The Groove Yard she bought "The Bang Masters" by Van Morrison. At Victoria's Secret she bought a black negligee although she had no plans of putting it to use any time soon.
Supper was ready and the table set at five o'clock. Carolyn's mood had improved somewhat. After returning from the mall, she had wrapped her father's present and signed both her and Brian's names on a card. Then she had listened to her new CD while doing laundry and cleaning the house. While supper was cooking she had tried on her new negligee and concluded that after months of dieting and sit-ups she had finally rescued her figure from the ravages of pregnancy. Now she played with Matthew and waited for Brian to come home.
Supper was getting cold at five thirty. At six Carolyn reheated her half and ate it in front of the television. At six thirty she threw Brian's half into the trash. At six forty five the phone rang.
"Honey?"
"What do you want?"
"Look, I'm going to be a little late tonight."
"I know. I just threw your supper in the garbage."
"How late is it?"
"Fifteen 'till seven."
"Oh honey, I'm sorry. It's just that our client is such a pain and we have to get this done tonight."
"You still haven't remembered, have you?"
"What? Honey, don't joke. I really have to go now. I'll see you when I get home, okay? Love you."
"Mm hm. 'Bye."
Carolyn hung up the phone. She went into Matthew's room and checked on him. She thought it was a little warm in there so she adjusted the thermostat. Then she retrieved the newspaper from the front yard, read the national news and did the crossword puzzle. After that she watched a courtroom drama on television and after that, the last half of a black and white movie. When the late news was finished, she went to bed.
The bedroom was pitch black when Brian walked in. He set something on the floor. He took off his coat and tie, shoes and socks. He walked over to the bed and tried to see Carolyn in the darkness. He debated with himself in his mind and then decided. He put out his hand and found her shoulder.
"Carolyn. Wake up, honey."
His wife grunted and rolled over.
"Please, wake up. I have to tell you something."
Carolyn wearily rolled onto her back again.
"What?"
"I have to tell you something about work."
"Brian, I do not want to hear about your damn job."
He said nothing, but continued to undress while walking to the bathroom. She heard him brushing his teeth. When he came in again and spoke, his tone was different.
"I'm sorry," he said.
"What?"
"I said I'm sorry. I'm sorry I forgot our anniversary."
"So am I."
"After you hung up tonight, I started thinking about what you said. I could tell you were upset about something."
"Oh, could you? Brilliant deduction."
"Then I looked at a calendar and I knew. It scared the hell out of me, Carolyn. It really did."
He sat down on the edge of the bed and put his head in his hands.
"So I decided something. I told the guys at work that I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't stay away from you and Matt anymore. I said you can fire me if you want but that's how it has to be."
Carolyn sat up in bed. "Really?" she said.
"Yes."
"So did they fire you?"
"No, but I won't get another promotion for decades."
"That's okay."
"I thought so."
He got up from the bed and picked up the thing he had left by the door. When he sat down again she saw that it was a paper bag.
"If you got me some old flowers or cheap candy from the gas station I'm going to strangle you."
"Give me some credit."
There was some rustling and then the table lamp came on. Carolyn looked up and saw a fat tangerine in Brian's hand. She gaped. He took hold of it with both hands and punctured the skin with his thumbs. Then he pulled it apart slowly. The juice ran down his hands and arms.
He tore out a piece and placed it in her mouth. She savored it and kissed him. Then she took the tangerine from him. She fed him a piece while he got into bed beside her. They held each other very close and ate the sweet fruit together. When it was gone he was on top of her and their hands were on each other, smearing their bodies with the juice.
Tonight they were not nervous, nor were they novices as they had been that night thousands of nights ago.
In the morning when the sun rose and filled the room with a rosy light, Carolyn turned her face to her husband, kissed him lightly and asked, "May we have tangerines for breakfast?" And he smiled at her and wondered at her and said "From now on we shall have nothing but tangerines."
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Work © 1997 Lumbricus. All rights reserved. Page design and code © 1997 The Farm. All rights reserved. See Legal Notice for details. Do you have something to Share? Mail The Farm at thefarm@dead.mailbox |