Sneak out the fire door of the theater under the screen. Piss behind the building instead of waiting for an open head out front. Walk around the block to your car. Remember it’s a global pandemic and that you’re not actually going to a theater to watch a movie. Realize you’re outside of time. Nothing is real.
Get Snippy
Some people, unless you’re watchful, will sit down at your table, grab the thread of conversation, and tie it to the mile of twine they have bunched up in the baggage at their feet. There’s no end in sight, and no goal other than to take up air time.
Always be ready with the scissors.
Jig Saw
I think those two years in the Gifted and Talented program in junior high ruined me. I mean, sure, it taught me the value of lateral thinking and finding novel ways to approach problems and solve them. But they never told me that lateral thinking wasn’t always necessary…or welcomed.
I found myself quite often doing things and acting ways with people that they wouldn’t expect, and it usually got me nowhere. In situations where I was uncomfortable, I’d default to trying to overthink, and enough of that, all I’d get was, “Shawn, you’re weird.”
Yeah, maybe, possibly. OK, yes. Weird enough to get in the way of really connecting with strangers and acquaintances. Kinda gotta know me long enough to really get me, I guess. Et cetera. Or whatever.
Two years wasn’t enough. Longer, and I would’ve learned this, and the important lesson that even though I had some mental skills, I wasn’t intrinsically more special than any other kid, regardless of what the entrance exam rated me. I should’ve been taught that real work, real study, real growth, was the way to find success; it wasn’t just something granted to me because of my special classification (or, at least in an ideal world, yeah).
I was praised for being smart and having potential. I should’ve been praised for actually applying myself. :shrug:
Not everyone I interact with wants to be a puzzle to solve.
What’s in his head?
Had a girlfriend once ask me, “Why are you so good to me?”
I can’t remember what I said, but at the time it just didn’t click that she was probably referencing Ginny’s line in “Forrest Gump” because of something kind I had done despite her actions.
I’m sure that I thought it was a heartfelt question at the time, which I answered in earnest, but I also surely know that I didn’t say, “Because you’re my girl.”
But was she calling me an idiot? I don’t know. Maybe my IQ really is 75.
Stupid is as stupid does, I guess.
Flip Page
2022. I dunno what to say. What motivational statement could I give that hasn’t already been written by Zig Ziglar somewhere? I could say it’s a new page, a new chapter, a new book, but is it really?
Today feels just like yesterday, except I’m sore and my belly’s full of peas and cornbread. Still in a pandemic. Still woke up alone. Still have to return to work on Monday. My holiday week off has been unproductive and joyless, and I have the weighty guilt of knowing that I am responsible for that. I could’ve done better.
But whatever. Happy new year.