Two-week-old news by now, but I share here. My final grade in Deutsch III is a mid-B, 84.8%. I still feel like Professorin was being too kind to me in her scoring, because I still don’t trust my competence. I feel like I did terribly. Scores aren’t everything. I’m not fluent.
Throughout the latter half of the semester, I resolved to stop here, to not move on to Deutsch IV. I have 100 reasons to feel bad about myself every day, and I don’t want to opt into another one. This class just makes me irrationally angry.
But, and this is my goddamned burden, I feel like I need to take IV for the sake of completeness. Sunk cost. Just to say, “Yes, I took all of it, and I definitely tried without quitting.” But goddamn. Why do I hate myself this hard?