This first week of German class has not gone easily. I’ve never done distance learning, so I’m climbing uphill to figure out these learning management systems. The first assignment found me misreading the actual task, and I kept getting the answers wrong; I got distracted with learning the laptop’s Alt-Gr keys (so I can do umlauts and ess-tset symbols), so while trying to type things correctly I got completely off-base and kept entering the wrong answers. I lost the score. Less than 60% after 3 tries. That’s how I started this course.
And then I read the instructions more clearly. Now I’m having to eat crow and disavow myself of all my bad assumptions.
It’s been a stupendously long time since I’ve taken a class, for-keeps style, for a real grade, even if it’s just continuing education. I have to perform for real; it’s not a toy that I can put down when it looks like work. I ultimately want to communicate with real people. I’ve paid the tuition, bought the textbook, and finally finished the first week’s set of assignments and readings this afternoon (on Labor Day) just in time for tomorrow’s 2nd online session.
I know I can do this, but I can’t sit back and say I can; I have to actually do this. I’m in my 50’s now; I used to know things and do things and find them a breeze. But I can’t say I know them and can do them with any level of excellence; I have to prove it, to them, to myself. I have to re-certify my abilities.
I recently worked with a guy who sold his skills as bigger and badder than anybody else in the office; but that was based on what he was able to do when he was younger. As a guy nearing retirement, he just couldn’t hang and refused to admit it. Couldn’t perform to the same standard that he was convinced that he could meet, and it took mental gymnastics to tell himself that he’s still got it.
I don’t want to be that guy. I want to know how badly I’m doing, so I can reset my expectations and try again. It takes humility. Die Wahrheit ist alles.