Went for a sleep study last night, first in 12 years. I could only sleep 2 hours, so the tech could not get enough data. I totally blew it. I made preparations, turned my day upside down, even cut my 3-day weekend short so I could do this, and I blew it. Just could not get comfortable enough to trust and sleep.
Went straight to work at 6:30am on 2 hours sleep. Boss sent me home mid afternoon, after almost a full shift.
Took a 4 hour nap. Woke up with a work nightmare. Dark house. Dark skies. Me alone. Only wanting to crawl out of bed and hole, with Metallica in my head. Nothing else matters.
My god, it’s like 26-year-old me still on night shift. That same acid sand in my mouth. That same loneliness. That same bleary outlook. That same old journal and microwave food and coffeeshop that closes at midnight.
Dark rhythms resurface.