Want to know what kind of day I’m having? Megan Fox sits down at a table with me and starts talking about her tits. And then the alarm clock goes off. Stopped before it even started. And that was the high point of my day.


Every once in a while, my self-image gets a hard reset, and the positive, hopeful, well-adjusted facades I’ve built crumble to reveal the greasy machinery underneath. It takes a long, long time to build it back up. So apologies to anybody I creep out, worry, or push away. I’m working on it.