(Phaysis)

Being a damn shut-in every evening, I’ve turned to watching a ton of movies in the past month or so to supplement or replace my usual social interactions. Chances are, if I get my hands on it, I’ll eventually end up watching it. As such, there’s no telling what I’ll see. Here’s what I’ve seen this month (the range is all over the damn place).

“Sucker Punch” was alright, but it would be a great movie if it knew what it wanted to be. It was as split-personality as the girls in the asylum. The optical and visual production values were so high, even the dirt was crisp and clean. But the story needed a lot of work. I guess the plot bend at the end kinda justified most of it, but it left me feeling like I just ate some clean dirt.

Picked up a copy of “Star Trek: First Contact”; hadn’t seen it since theatrical release. It was an important movie in the series, but understated. I’d forgotten about it in the shadow of “Star Trek: Generations” and the rest of the Next Generation movies. Had a good visit from our old enemies The Borg, but the dialog had a few rough spots where the writers assumed too much.

Found a copy of the original “Nosferatu” silent film on archive.org. A bit slow and tedious, even for silent films, but you can see where some of our horror movie tropes originate.

“The Day the Earth Stood Still”, the recent remake, was a decent reinterpretation of the original film. It occurs to me that Keanu Reeves prefers to take on “Christ roles”, where his character commits the ultimate sacrifice to save the world.

I also put on “The Matrix” some time later, speaking of. That movie, sad to say, is the closest thing to a perception-altering religious experience I’ve experienced in the 18 years since leaving religion. I’m not sure how to feel about that. But I replay it every now and then just to feel a glimpse of that wonder again.

If you want to see the origin of phrase “that’s two D’s, for a double-dose of my pimpin’” (as heard in “Idiocracy”), then watch “American Pimp”, a documentary about pimps, pimp ethos, pimp style, pimp history. Made in the 90′s, but most of the lessons learned stand the test of time. It may be the world’s second-oldest profession, but bitch betta get my money.

Speaking of hard pimpin’, “Black Dynamite” is smartly written as a farcical look at blacksploitation films of the 70s with all the pimpin’, ass-kickin’, whitey-punchin’ karate you can handle.

“Salt” features Angelina Jolie as a secret agent turned double-agent on the run for her life and her sleeper mission. Jolie proves she has the chops to look stellar in the heat of action. Not much range in her character’s emotions, but it’s a star vehicle nonetheless. There was a surprise twist at the end, but worth it. High popcorn value.

If you haven’t seen or heard of the German-directed film “Hanna”, and you’re into Europe-trotting action films like “Bourne Identity”, you’re missing out, my friend. Hanna is a 16-year old girl specially trained by her survivalist father to kill (and to do so with ruthless efficiency), and her target is her father’s former boss at a top-secret American-funded eugenics program. I haven’t seen a little girl putting the boot to this many people since “Kick Ass”. Do yourself a favor and hunt this movie down.

I felt uneasy after watching Darren Aranofsky’s “Black Swan”. It was a very good drama of the highest caliber, on par with all of Aranofsky’s other works. I palpably felt the solitude and loneliness of Natalie Portman’s character, the unhealthiness of her mother’s smothering and manipulation, the gradual descent into delusion and madness in the hopes of being absolutely perfect, flawless, and complete. The only air in the suffocating environment was Mila Kunis’ portrayal of the light, thrillseeking, flaw-embracing counterpoint to Portman’s perfectionistic insanity.

On a dark note, you haven’t seen a bleak film until you’ve seen “The Road”. Bleeeeeak. I finished it feeling hopeless for my future and for the future of mankind. I was a little stunned, and obscenely hungry for the following week. An unspecified environmental disaster befalls the earth, and a permanent winter sets in everywhere; all the animals die, no crops will grow, and it’s forever overcast. Mankind is doomed, and a father and his son fight to scavenge for food, clothing, and seek shelter from bands of survivalist cannibals. It’s a hard movie to watch, but when it all comes down at the end of our human history, this is what it would be like.

Earlier this week, I woke up feeling like Joe Banks. Lost in the shuffle, driven to show up, clock in, do my work in a overcast daze. Doctor told me I had a brain cloud. So that night, to console myself, I watched “Joe Versus the Volcano”. I never saw it when it came out, but picked it up in the past year and return to it every so often to help me remember that I can change my fate if I wanted.

And finally, tonight I watched “McGruber”, and I have to say, it was mildly amusing for its send-up of its namesake TV series on which it’s based. Nice Molsen Beer jabs, too, a reminder that the original show and its actor are both from Canada. And it was good to see Val Kilmer acting again. Campy, cheesy, way too much man-ass, but funny nonetheless if not braining is what you’re in for.

So, that brings you up to speed with my recent movie habits. Keeps me busy until I pass out in bed. Most people have cable to keep them from living their life to the max. I have this.

The most dangerous habit I have now is to watch a movie while I’m eating dinner. Any sort of forward momentum I may have with my projects or creativity is halted the moment I press Play. The rest of the evening after the credits is a mental waste while I swirl in the eddys of motivation and try to justify spinning back up so soon before bed.

I should stop that.

If you have not seen District 9, you have done yourself a disservice. To give you an idea of why you should see it, watch this trailer. Failing that, you should know it was produced by Peter Jackson whose WETA effects studio was at the beck and call of new director Neill Blomkamp. It takes place in Johannesburg, South Africa, where an alien ship appeared in the sky 20 years ago. Inside the ship were malnourished alien refugees. They are taken down from the floating ship and given temporary housing in a refugee camp outside Johannesburg, but remain there, within its fortified walls, 20 years later. The city’s residents grew impatient with their presence and hired the MNU corporation to “evict” them to a new camp farther away from the city.

Shot in documentary style. Effects that work. Good writing. Everyone is dirty; with ringing echoes of apartheid, there are no clear protagonists. And that’s the most difficult part of the movie, taking it well beyond what you’d expect in your usual summer blockbuster. It actually has thoughts. I’m as surprised by this movie as you are, or will be. Hadn’t heard of it until friday when I read a review, and then later overheard someone who’d seen it rave about it. So I had to see for myself. Hopefully, there’s a cinema near you that’s playing it; damn shame it didn’t get full release.

I picked up a copy of The Watchmen a few weeks ago. Finished it tonight. I’m at once troubled and equally satisfied. The story; it’s an incredible story. Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons did an incredible job. Incredible. They have an ability to weave parallel threads seamlessly with the same overlapping dialog and artwork. It’s breathtaking. What comes to mind is a particular scene where two protagonists are in a room having a conversation; that conversation is echoed by the people at a newsstand, and illustrated by a comic book being read by a kid at the stand. All three threads promote and illuminate each other.

Gibbons’ artwork borders on the sublime in his transitions, where a character in that comic book about pirates is standing at the shore having an internal monologue, and the next panel is one of the story’s protagonists standing at the edge of a pool, continuing the monologue. I’m sure it’s de rigueur for comics, but it blew me away. One panel is a graffiti outline of two lovers in an embrace, next panel is two heroes making amends with a hug. Woah.

Breathtaking.

But the ending. The ending. It’s all wrong. I’m blown away, but it’s all wrong. There is no justice. I was expecting a descension into deus ex machina at the least, but no. Moore threw a left hook. The conspiracy of silence! There is no justice, only silence! And salvation. It goes against my western storytelling sensibilities!

I’ll spend some time digesting.

I can’t begin to figure out how this story can be crammed into a movie. This story, the artwork, the threads, everything is so dense and rich with information. To boil it all down, to render the fat away and leave the muscle and sinew and bone, I have no idea. I have the highest hopes, but this is Hollywood; we’ve been let down time and again. All I can hope for, really, is the basic plot, and to be satisfied with that. I’m not sure when the movie is planned for release; apparently it’s tied up in legal tangles. The usual copyrights issues.

So. I’m sitting back and sighing, completely satisfied. If you want to read, I have a copy to loan.

That. Totally. Ruled.

I was dragging ass today because I stayed up super-late last night doing what? I took my roomate, and my pass for two, downtown to the Paramount Theatre, stood in line for 3 hours, and watched the never-before-shown-to-anyone world-premier of “Hellboy” a whole three weeks before its April 2nd release. And It. Was. Good.

My friend Bart informed me on friday that Austin Books, a comic shop down the street from my house, was handing out passes to the super-sneak preview presentation of “Hellboy” (site), the new movie from director Guillermo Del Toro (“Blade II”, “Devil’s Backbone”). I’ve never read the Mike Mignola-created comic, but I understand that it’s high-quality stuff, and with what I’ve gathered about the comic, I’ve concluded that Del Toro did an excellent job on the adaptation. The role of Hellboy is played by none other than Ron Perlman. Naturally.

So, back to the showing. I and several of my friends went: my roomate and I got there a little later than our friends, so our place in line was much further back. Ah well. Since we didn’t have V.I.P. passes, wristbands, or anything cool like that, we couldn’t sit in the floor seats; it was the balcony for us. But, nevertheless, our seats still commanded an excellent view of the stage and screen. The South-By-South-West movie festival is currently underway, but this screening was privately held, kind of a rush job. But the stars were still out: director Del Toro was there, as was Mike Mignola, Ron Perlman (yes, he really is that huge), and a guest presence in the audience by Ain’t It Cool News’ Harry Knowles (yes, he really is that huge, har). Earlier in the evening Kevin Smith was in the theatre screening his new movie Jersey Girl, so he hung around for a little bit and left. I didn’t see him, but one of my buddies did. Suppose that’s good enough. Heh.

Del Toro introduced the movie with his tough-to-understand accent and light-hearted demeanor. When the show was done, and the audience was satisfied with its thunder of applause, Del Toro took to the stage again, this time joined by Mignola and Perlman, for a half-hour audience Q&A session. Lots of questions good and poor, sure, but a friend of mine managed to get a good question in, which was cool.

Some highlights:

• Del Toro said, “Previously, a studio would buy an option to adapt a comic book to film. The comic audience is happy about the news until the studio picks some poorly-fit director and they change too much of the comic storyline and so forth. Finally, we’re seeing studios allowing geek movies to be made for geeks by geeks.” The roar of applause was testament that we totally agreed.
• Mignola was not only advised to, but required to get his hands dirty in the production of this film; since he’s the creator, his input was essential.
• Del Toro essentially directed “Blade II” to fund the filming of “Hellboy,” his 5-year dream.
• “Hellboy” originally had a budget request of $90-million, which Revolution Pictures had agreed to greenlight, but they later talked Del Toro down to $60-M when they discovered his choice of Perlman for the starring role; Del Toro wouldn’t sell him out in exchange for more money.
• The studio was considering doing a fully-CG Hellboy character, with Perlman doing voice acting, and was almost sold on the idea, but finally relented to Del Toro’s wishes to have someone actually acting the part instead of just reading lines. Seems studios don’t see much logic when preferring CG to real actors.
• Perlman spent around four hours each day to put on the prosthetics and makeup before each day’s shoot. For days where he was shooting shirtless scenes, it took six.
• Del Toro is starting another project to shoot a movie that’ll be a kind of bookend to “Devil’s Backbone”, which promises to be good.
• Del Toro joked that the “Passion of Christ” fanatics would view this movie as a pyriah and deem it as something worthy of protest without ever going to see it. I mean, c’mon, it’s a red devil-looking demon hell guy who fights, smokes, and cusses! What more do you need a good, Bible-thumpin’ picket line for? It’s Jesus versus Hellboy! (never mind that Hellboy is a good guy with pragmatic morals and a good heart)
• When asked about the subtleties of the love relationship between Hellboy and character Elizabeth, Del Toro went on to discuss the very character of this particular relationship, how it was kind of a “Beauty and the Beast” relationship. His talking was interrupted when the audience built-up a slow, dawning laughter, after which Del Toro stopped, looked at the audience, then exchanged glances with Perlman. They shrugged, smiled, and he continued on his discussion.

There is so much more to the evening that I really wish I could talk about to a further extent, but that would be just a little too, um, MEAN, wouldn’t it? :) Yes, I believe it would, yes. Aaah, and for once, I’M privy to something; I get first dibs (damn, I love this town). But seriously, people, when “Hellboy” comes out to wide release next month, do yourself a favor and go see it. A whole lot of action, a whole lot of monsters, a whole lot of Lovecraft, a whole lot of wit, humor, and comedy, and a whole lot of in-jokes. Del Toro and cast did a wonderful job.

And, no, Lobster Johnson isn’t in it. But they might shoot a lunch scene between him and Hellboy for the DVD. Who knows?