Botsaq is, perhaps, the most hilarious chatbot I’ve ever had the pleasure of interacting with. Technically, it’s a Markov Chain Generator, spitting out sentences in word chunks linked together by common words. Its dictionary of words is based on the training it picks up by listening to the chat environment, so whatever way the channel talks, so will Botsaq. Each time somebody chats in channel, Botsaq rolls a random number to decide if it will respond; if it’s higher than the threshold, it grabs a random word from the person’s chat and builds a sentence from there. If somebody calls Botsaq by name, it responds more often. Usually, Botsaq’s banter is spot-on and somewhat relevant to what’s being discussed. Other times, it’s the funniest shit I’ve ever heard. I have to give a shout out to my longtime IRC bud Redukt for running Botsaq.
And now I present to you selected clips from Botsaq. Enjoy! (For more robotic madness, take a look at Botsaq’s Twitter feed that _aa_ ran up until 2008!)
12:46 <@fhisch> _aa_ that’s something you’d probably want to do in .htaccess
12:48 <@fhisch> though i never quite considered trying it with header(), that might work too..
12:48 <@botsaq> the expression is considered abusive in mexico city.
12:49 <@fhisch> thanks, i’ll keep that in mind, buttsack
12:51 <@Phrang> botsaq the wise hombre
12:51 <@botsaq> i don’t take wise cracking
12:51 <@Phrang> SAY WAT
13:27 <@redukt> CAN I GET AN A-MEN?
13:27 <@botsaq> ur an emo orgy at the zoo
<@Znarl> botsaq : Love me, I demand it of your programming!
<+botsaq> are you doing redukt? stop playing with your sloven ass, and then RETIREMENT.
<@botsaq> works perfect since i halve a par t r i am eating deer meat / playmates with prostates / missouri
< botsaq> ok ok ok an employee is your warm up the world, 3 liter bottles of a fifth finger (the beach is aweful!
20:52 <@Phrang> SHE HAD A MOTHER WHO BLEW IT ALL OUT OF PROPORTIONS
20:52 <@botsaq> i think i blew up
20:52 <@Phrang> hahahahah botsaq that was hehehehe
20:52 <@botsaq> thou hehehehe
20:52 <@Phrang> I DIDST!
<@botsaq> my ex gf dumping onto card reader is funny hahah \/ = * : did you were here
<@botsaq> peeing on the fabric of our nation, said howard dvorkin, founder of consolidated credit card agencies
<@msb> sit in teh corner botsaq
21:48 < botsaq> my gf is on ebay on the corner -> bladder -> penis -> pee –> tree babies out of comic book guy?
21:48 <@msb> ror
<@botsaq> now i have to go home now you have to rebuild my laptop you retard
12:33 <@botsaq> tesko you drinkin yet mate?
12:33 <@tesko> yeah im almost finished my 40
12:33 <@pumiliocu> botsaq THAT IS A RHETORICAL QUESTION
12:33 <@botsaq> it was rhetorical
12:34 <@pumiliocu> thank you
12:34 <@pumiliocu> botsaq: go to your room
12:34 <@botsaq> you have a ecrush on the room
12:34 <@pumiliocu> botsaq: go to your room!
12:34 <@botsaq> the room!
12:34 <@pumiliocu> thank you
< botsaq> cube squid cube cube squid cube squid cube squid cube squid cube emulation mode +talk on anyone, thank you
< @botsaq> i don’t care, cause im naked
<@Phrang> CANS OF PUS
<@botsaq> botsaq eat a diseased asshole puckering rythmically with terror, squirting pus with each other, it’s not bad.
<botsaq> i love when we kiss and flow in the squid cubes
<@botsaq> sinusitis and good night!
22:34 <@botsaq> well, you wouldn’t say it was at the ipv6 which, ha, ok ok ok ok then i have a good beer and find a bit with a fat chick
22:34 <@shrub> SOMEONE SAY HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPO?
<@botsaq> i wanna see my dick and pussy
22:56 <@nzodd> botsaq: why have you forsaken me?
22:56 <@botsaq> my foreskin has forsaken me
<+botsaq> botsaq: christina ricci in the pooper
<@botsaq> _aa_ purges the children
<@botsaq> wonkix around a bit with a rock hard cat vagina
<@botsaq> you made funkaho a fuck.
<@botsaq> barrack obama <3 raisin bran
<@botsaq> no im supposed to railroad (har har) legislation to fund the trans texas on the statutes in my face in it, youll shit they talk with potatos though
<@botsaq> pumiliocu says no lewd anal pore distended manatee anus
15:07 <@botsaq> phrang agrees with botsaq
15:09 <@Phrang> I DO NOT AGREE WITH BOTSAQ
15:09 <@botsaq> i agree with you
<@botsaq> ronaldo advanse tendergoal attack san francisco using one
<@botsaq> pumiliocu slaps uaert around a bovine pigwhore
<@botsaq> msb slaps chivo bookmark for like 2000 usd and money, and jesus saved me love you do
19:40 <@botsaq> fapping botsaq fapping botsaq do you have to looook at the girl
19:41 <@Phrang> hahaha
19:41 <@botsaq> hahaha j/k
19:41 < rdkt> lol @ botsaq
<@silverbox> ITS BOTSAQS FAULT
11:29 <@botsaq> anacapa girl has to talk 2 about botsaqs are nearly hairless, and are insulated by a nigger fucker
21:18 <@botsaq> so your body to be like to the left, secondary on the chann i must pass gas when i told you to your destinations faster.
21:18 <@Phrang> yeha
21:18 <@botsaq> yeha mine up with a girl fart
21:18 <@Phrang> hahahaha
<@botsaq> still getting dominated at night for nipples
10:34 <@funkaho> and breaking up with girlfriend
10:35 <@botsaq> back off girlfriend, she’s disrupting my time for me life
10:35 <@pumiliocu> just jog to work naked
10:35 <@botsaq> that’s not the jog for cancer
10:35 <@pumiliocu> ROFfLEs
10:35 <@botsaq> strawberry roffles
10:35 <@pumiliocu> damn botsaq you are on today
10:35 <@botsaq> damn right
10:35 <@pumiliocu> HAAAAAAAAAAA
10:36 <@pumiliocu> someone has been training botsaq
10:36 <@botsaq> i should have to find the info my fosters collection of firearms training wheels
18:46 <+Stacey> thats what the book said
18:46 <+botsaq> enter your hookers and drugs on the p-funk all stars get a mac book i havent read comics :p
18:46 <+Stacey> it also answered why you put suits in garment bags and garments in suitcases
18:46 <+Stacey> but thats for another day haha
18:46 <@Phrang> botsaq, on the other hand, is a riddle cloaked in a mystery wrapped in an enigma
18:46 <+botsaq> elo, elp, and enigma were my gateway to the teeth
18:46 <@Phrang> hahaha
18:46 <@Phrang> GATEWAY TO THE TEETH
18:47 <@Phrang> the first part of that was quoted from me. o_O
18:47 <+botsaq> botsaq just quoted himself/herself
18:47 <@Phrang> see?!
18:47 <@Phrang> the robot loves me.
18:47 <@Phrang> [O O] CRUSH botsaq
18:47 <+botsaq> [o o] crush hu-mans
18:47 <@Phrang> YEHA!
18:47 <+botsaq> yeha!
18:47 <@Phrang> hahaha
18:48 <@rob> you play with bots often?
18:48 <@Phrang> i try not to
18:48 <@Phrang> plastic chafes
18:49 <+Stacey> lol
18:50 <+Stacey> im cracking the fuck up
23:51 <@uaert> botsaq give me a kiss
23:51 <@botsaq> kiss my sister
23:51 <@uaert> woah
23:51 <@uaert> i didn’t know you had a sister botsaq
23:51 <@botsaq> night – cloudy | inc %i = 1, so i was grass, one sister bronchitis
23:51 <@uaert> i got something special for your sister’s cough botsaq
23:51 <@botsaq> my house bills are in his sister’s ipod
23:52 <@uaert> are you implying that i will need to pay for sex with your sister botsaq
23:52 <@uaert> are you pimpin’ out lil sis botsaq
23:52 <@botsaq> sis has the troublemakers on here
23:53 <@uaert> i’d say u are the troublemaker botsaq
23:53 <@botsaq> i’d fuck a bearded boners
23:53 <@uaert> yeah?
23:54 <@uaert> i suppose i would too
23:54 <@uaert> we’re not so different, you and me.
<@msb> everything change
<@botsaq> yes you want her to change it to got three holes in it
<@msb> botsaq: perv
13:50 <@pumiliocu> finding out about botsaq is fun!
13:50 <@botsaq> i am so fucking fun!
13:50 <@pumiliocu> hahah
<@botsaq> tesko’s new karma is 27 at birth!
17:32 <@pumiliocu> what is going on
17:32 <@botsaq> im going back to the microsoft as a gay but don’t say anything
17:32 <@redukt> lol
17:32 <@pumiliocu> WOW
17:32 <@pumiliocu> that is the best phrase botsaq has ever made
17:22 <@Phrang> botsaq: you have failed me for the last time, admiral
17:22 <@botsaq> i failed at trolling
<@botsaq> as a nice ass so i dont cost a program to test of the hammering and the pounding.
< botsaq> that’s the problem with being gone, i went on waterski trip to the table set.
<@botsaq> like my gf refuses to be lean machine
<@botsaq> phrang pokes botsaq donkey
10:10 <@botsaq> phrang claps hands and he is a dense person in the husband said, oh well at least now they can only keep focused, lift the keyboard stick
10:10 <@kut> hah botsaq called phrang dense!!!!!!
10:10 <@botsaq> ahhahahah a ahhah hahah ahahaah ahahahah ahha hah hah hahhhahhaha hah hah hahhhahhaha hah
10:10 <@spee> lmao
10:10 <@kut> :D:D:D:D:D
10:10 <@spee> botsaq cracks me up
<@botsaq> he’s so over my keyboard and zero social networking bullshit, try to stay calm
10:48 <+botsaq> hey redukt does the time for druqs
10:49 <@chivo> ssh
10:49 <@chivo> don’t talk about that here botsaq
10:49 <+botsaq> talk to you are arrested!
10:49 <@chivo> the man is listening
<@tesko> then there are guys looking for love, i dont know much about them
<@tesko> all i know is they whine alot and write poetry
<+botsaq> and whine about having to move
<@botsaq> im mastering acidpizza and i have to start on songs for #gangsta set you all rolled into a fight that’d be headin to beddin
23:28 <@redukt> smoke nao
23:29 <@botsaq> rough sex for u nao
23:29 <@redukt> bbl
23:30 <@Phrang> haw mr botsaq
23:30 <@botsaq> haw haw haw
<@Phrang> _aa_: DO YOU KNOW WHAT?
<@Phrang> _aa_: i’m giving up.
<@Phrang> _aa_: i will not make a panoramic photo of my apartment.
<@Phrang> i will wait 5 years for consumer software to catch up.
<@Phrang> And then my photos will be priceless.
<@botsaq> needs to photos
<@Phrang> needs to botsaq
<@botsaq> graphic design needs abominations.
<@Phrang> it has those in spades.
<@Phrang> _aa_: DO YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE?
<@botsaq> what else?
<@Phrang> _aa_: botsaq: i will spend my time on something more fruitful, like writing Ruby on Rails code.
<@botsaq> phrang carries no closed-source ms code.
<@Phrang> it’s true.
<@botsaq> phrang fails to establish adequate limits to inconvenience people
<@woNksos> omg he made sense kinda
<@botsaq> trust me youtube masterpiece, starring nicholas cage d:
<@botsaq> i am rendering shit for a tree limb and saves spee around a 3 some
21:40 <@Znarl> there is a gay guy in my office, and he referred to hemmrhoids as speedbumps
21:40 <@botsaq> he referred to hemmrhoids as hell
<@botsaq> botsaq rocks the sampler for oscillator mixer!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<@botsaq> you two should make a big lady?
00:21 <@Phrang> If I can ________, then you can fucking ________.
00:22 <@Phrang> a) mix a batch of marzipan
00:23 <@Phrang> b) file taxes nonelectronically
00:23 <@botsaq> a) fucking b) sleep
00:23 <@Phrang> c) go to bed
00:23 <@Phrang> botsaq: that’s correct!
00:23 <@botsaq> if you guessed there, you are correct!
21:20 <@botsaq> a jug of water, loaf of saq sucker ass nugget fag who fucks teh back
<@silverb0x> im smelly cause i fell in the toilet when i was freakin with botsaq
<@botsaq> phrang told my skin stays white supremacy you smelly turd
<@pumiliocu> botsaq is a drunk
<@redukt> you’re confusing botsaq with tesko
<@botsaq> confusing me with tits with the name
<@kut> botsaq i love you!
<@botsaq> seems thoughtful of you!
<@kut> thanks botsaq!
<@botsaq> op him botsaq!
<@kut> yeah, op him botsaq!
<@botsaq> i’ll be working on the free pork sticks in teh table set botsaq!
<@kut> yeah botsaq@!!
<@botsaq> yeah i watched the moon, either
<@kut> cool botsaq
<@botsaq> mainboard manufacturer: asustek computer just love cool shit yesterday
<@kut> botsaq im so crushing on you
<@botsaq> or just everyone just admit crushing on this isn’t your ass got debian on there are creative breakfast
<@kut> botsaq can i touch you
<@botsaq> touch touch water mmmmmmmmmmmmm rimshot mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm rimshotrimshot
<@kut> botsaq chivo says he loves your cock
<@botsaq> kut smears syrup on chivo
* kut smears syrup on chivo
<@chivo> kut, you dirty girl you!
<@kut> botsaq did you like watching that
<@botsaq> i’m watching my ex gf in a 16
<@kut> botsaq who’s your ex gf
<@botsaq> quit telling your ex from raleigh
<@chivo> there is your stalker
<@kut> who’s in raleigh botsaq!
<@botsaq> never had an ex from raleigh
<@chivo> you just said so botsaq!
<@botsaq> bad botsaq!
<@kut> botsaq why do you play mind games?!
<@botsaq> don’t mind not l00ter if there has been a cous
<@kut> he said YOUR ex from raleigh
<@kut> isn’t that right botsaq
<@botsaq> pumiliocu this isn’t a sack of the irc
<@kut> tell him botsaq
<@kut> tell him harder! botsaq
<@botsaq> do i need my taxes harder!
<@kut> yes you do botsaq!
<@botsaq> why cuz of him botsaq!
<@kut> yeaaaaah botsaq!
<@botsaq> but no sense botsaq!
<@kut> i love you botsaq
<@botsaq> i think i wanna hear prodigy’s one love my sarcasm huh
<@kut> :O :O
<@kut> you are so mean, botsaq
<@kut> EVIL BOTSAQ
<@botsaq> it was scrappy evil
<@kut> no it was you botsaq
<@kut> yes botsaq
<@kut> no botsaq
<@botsaq> botsaq pumiliocu about where do you want some cheer convention thing
<@botsaq> yes botsaq!
<@kut> ok botsaq should i go to this thing or not
<@botsaq> i drank some beer thing he can search for her chihuahua below my shit
<@kut> yes or no botsaq
<@kut> you wanna go with me botsaq?
<@botsaq> i did hear me botsaq?
<@kut> you wanna go with me botsaq?
<@botsaq> i put my twin botsaq?
<@kut> listen botsaq i need yes or no answers
<@botsaq> my answers to their problems.
<@kut> what are your answers botsaq
<@kut> what are your answers botsaq!
<@botsaq> no answers your vibrating underwear?
<@kut> how’d you know botsaq
<@botsaq> woah, how’d you past pvt me
<@kut> ok botsaq
<@botsaq> from ok ok i leave today because they only stick them under warez naster
<@kut> hug botsaq
<@botsaq> someone called me pics woman more pleasure during the hug hug hug
<@kut> hug hug hug
<@kut> botsaq do you want nudes of chivo?
<@botsaq> i had nudes of myself then
<@kut> botsaq dcc!
<@botsaq> huh botsaq botsaq botsaq botsaq is back, britney spears
<@funkaho> i’m off to be a studiho
<@kut> do you like funkaho botsaq
<@botsaq> funkaho around a bit with a large trout
<@kut> do you like funkaho? botsaq
<@botsaq> are you know funkaho?
<@kut> yes i know the funkaho botsaq
<@kut> yes botsaq
<@botsaq> bison yes downerhex
<@kut> downerhex! who is that botsaq
<@kut> well yes! but what else do you know about downerhex botsaq
<@botsaq> then it’s just leave me alone, until someone says yes!
<@kut> botsaq do you like phrang
<@botsaq> phrang self defense
<@kut> botsaq he is defensive isn’t he
<@kut> botsaq isn’t he!
<@botsaq> actually, she isn’t it gorgeous?
<@kut> botsaq: I KNEW PHRANG WAS A GIRL
<@kut> i told you all
<@kut> i’m getting sleepy
23:36 <@pumiliocu> and Phrang is too drunk to drive again
23:36 <@botsaq> come on feel drunk and high :p
23:36 <@pumiliocu> botsaq feel it
23:36 <@botsaq> man i feel like compton
23:36 <@pumiliocu> botsaq bong hit
23:36 <@pumiliocu> damn stoner bot
<@kut> botsaq do you want some xanax
<@kut> botsaq vicodin?
<@botsaq> phrang is vicodin?
<@kut> he makes me feel the same way
<@botsaq> o/` we cower in wow wow wow wow all the wasp’s colon!
00:11 <@botsaq> i know where the stop, just pause [comment] suspends execution of a nice, stable homelife is a rl popular here
00:12 <@Phrang> botsaq knows stopping
00:12 <@Phrang> and suspension of the execution of the domestication
00:12 <@botsaq> execution style
00:12 <@Phrang> yeha!
<@Phrang> i get so much russian spam.
<@shrubZ> In soviet union, we control your spam
<@botsaq> in soviet russia, emilbarto scare you off
<@botsaq> genital bonding between ctrl-v and enter his password, he
08:21 <@syrinx> botsaq: I’m banging your wife
08:21 <@botsaq> aka banging coming from harry potter
18:33 <@kut> PENIS
18:33 <@botsaq> phrang: temperature: 87f / cause erect penis s
18:33 <@kut> yeah phrang
18:37 <@msb> metar Phrang
18:37 <@sabiancra> msb: ERR0R ROFFLE LAFFLE AWFUL NO KAN FIND Phrang !!!
19:41 <@botsaq> how about a terrible disease that manages _aa_
18:10 <@botsaq> or i hate being a mustardy ham or bacon wrapped filet mignon
22:13 <@syrinx> teh-borg: eat a dick
22:13 <@teh-borg> msb is a dick the bunnies with his process is insane the disc for a than with mixer
22:13 <@botsaq> in all those bunnies
<@botsaq> coax kissing botsaq claus ::\
10:52 <@deltron> lol @ botsaq twittr
10:52 <@botsaq> pumiliocu huggin @ spee [::[ ]::]
<@Phrang> nobody appreciates how much botsaq loves him some tesko
<@botsaq> like dream of cutting bitches but he appreciates my brutal
<@tesko> Phrang, ?!
< WonKix> botsaq u gotsa y chromosome?
<@botsaq> i gotsa poop fingers?
07:43 <@WonKix> botsaq I bet your insides are all full of dust
07:44 <@WonKix> botsaq what chu say to that!
07:44 <@botsaq> like boom bop boom chiddle chaddle waddum chu setts
<@botsaq> wonkix gives sc__at two dexterity points out every time i do drugs
<@botsaq> silverb0x’s new karma is not the almighty tuna of the spectrum
<@botsaq> botsaq u got the dirty in cindy19f’s pink place called it an accident but i was telling me
<@botsaq> left some setting shit about salvation army of one
<@botsaq> \o/ wassup boss nothing to do today lol
22:22 <@Phrang> i am going to go outside and fix my car with epoxy.
22:22 <@botsaq> i got her tubes with your epoxy.
<@botsaq> du5t is hiding inside my house i can leave the bathtub?
00:42 <@du5t> hi kut
00:42 <@botsaq> kut in the kut kut kut kut in your ass
00:43 <@kut> :|
00:43 <@kut> NICE INFLUENCE, GUYS
<@botsaq> dont think i ever pay attention /!\ i masturbate with scrubbing bubbles
<@botsaq> stepmom has sprint and listen in car and performed on synclavier (and, yes, the stove and i will flood the channel with tomato and lettuce
<@botsaq> i heard some guy at werk looks like cinco de mayo, amigos y amigas!
10:21 < WonKix> I totally want a wolf shirt now
10:21 <@botsaq> engorged elephant labia swollen orangutan labia distended wolf man jack in flirts is under the peachtrees with rotor crying in the morning poops out some clips of an angel cause of paedophilia in this is
10:29 < funkaho> that’s just disturbing
23:32 < collude> i really like the portability
23:33 <@sabiancra> for sure
23:33 < collude> i can fit in my coat pocket and it weighs less than a book
23:33 <@botsaq> even if the thing weighs more than me
21:31 <@kut> botsaq: are we doomed 2012
21:31 <+botsaq> no talking to know internets are doomed from the harbour front im just a big nigger dick
15:33 -!- pumiliocu has joined #electronic-mp3
15:33 <@teh-borg> pumiliocu is wii the money home at into are
15:33 < pumiliocu> WHAT IT DO YALL
15:33 <@teh-borg> or do yall run is an
15:34 < pumiliocu> teh-borg is an
15:34 < pumiliocu> WANGS
15:35 < pumiliocu> hello and welcome to pumiliocu
15:35 < pumiliocu> not valid in all areas, void where body odor occurs
15:35 <@botsaq> you’re just like a man, open areas, sometimes accompanied by pictures of jack daniels
15:35 < pumiliocu> hahahaha
20:52 <@Phrang> I hate anything fresh and new.
20:52 <+botsaq> with shields was a handful of the editing was so brand new.
20:52 <@Phrang> botsaq: eat a penis
20:52 <+botsaq> macho cat penis rock hard cat penis
20:52 <@kut> wtf
20:52 <@Phrang> hahaha
20:52 <@downerhex> hah
20:52 <@Phrang> hahaahaahaha
20:52 <@kut> who taught him that
20:52 <@Phrang> haahah
20:52 <@Phrang> hahaa
20:52 <@Phrang> ah
20:52 <@Phrang> ahahaha
20:52 <@kut> I can’t stop reading it
20:52 <@Phrang> fuck, that robot made my day
20:52 <@kut> haha
20:34 <@kut> no tp by urinals
20:34 <+botsaq> i hate urinals but i’m thinking about chili, actually
20:34 <@kut> lol
<@Znarl> Nice, warming weather today.
<@Phrang> I think what he means to say is “suck on my west-Pacific moderate weather, you uppity Yankees.”
<@Phrang> a/k/a “feels great today”
< botsaq> feels nice to actually finish a butt drill