Easy Switch

Yeah. I can be fixed. Chin up, change of mind, head forward, charge on til the dawn. It’s that easy. Just deny all the thoughts. Remove the temptation to backslide into the deep. Keep it on the shallow, simple goals, simple rewards. I mean, it’s something you can cure. Just take a pill for it. Pharmacological nirvana. I have insurance, so it costs me nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not even my soul. Just one prescription away from a blissful flatline. Should be running for it, clamoring over the corpses of my dead dreams to reach that cure, that golden ring. It’s that easy. Click, just flip it off and turn on the sunlight. Right? No cost. Right? No cost.

3 thoughts on “Easy Switch

  1. luxzia

    Sometimes the pill is worth it. Sometimes it isn’t.

    I recently went through the fun hell that is postpartum depression and anxiety. I refused the depression pill – I knew how to fix that. I’ve pulled myself out of depression before. I needed to get out and do more, exercise more. I know myself well and yes, that fixed the worst of the storm clouds. The rest are passing as my health improves.

    The anxiety though didn’t pass on it’s own. I had to take the anti-anxiety pills. These are easier for me to deal with since I don’t have to take them every day or on any schedule. I take them as needed. I can treat anxiety like I treat a headache. Which is good. I still have anxiety. Maybe I will as long as I live because I am now a mother. I don’t know. But I know that I’m better as a mother and a partner taking that ant-anxiety drug when I’m going into a tailspin rather than letting it take over and dominate.

    I don’t think either way is bad. But it is your choice and maybe you can find another way besides a pill. I know the name of a good therapist in Austin – she’s the one who gave me the impetus and encouragement to get over my depression without meds. Let me know if you want her name.

  2. ShawnShawn Post author

    I’ve done the anti-anxiety stuff. I’ve done the anti-depression stuff. I rode the flatline until the loss of desire drove me crazy-er. The daily Paxil dosage was so low, I just quit cold turkey. Within days, I was experiencing life in its fullest volume again, which was good on the good weeks and horrible on the bad. But I had drive again. I had a soul again.

    I can’t go back to that medically-mediated flatline again, but if my soul is dead on its own, is there any harm in numbing it through the crisis? I think there is. Neurochemicals being what they are, if there’s an abundance of the one that helps you cope, it’s no longer endemically manufactured, so when the external source disappears, welcome to the k-hole of despair. I don’t want that. The more natural route is preferred. Cognitive therapy. Exercise. Something to work on, fixate on, to prevent the wall-staring, navel-gazing depths.

  3. Tam

    Cognitive therapy is great, but if you want to step it up to something a little more concrete and easier to grasp, look into Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, which is based on the Cognitive Behavioral model, but is much more “skills-based”, as in training/learning healthy, productive coping skills as opposed to the anti-productive coping mechanisms which get in our way.
    Wikipedia on DBT

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